Urges
by Mims
Summary: Response to a Death of Spike Fanfic Challenge. Spike and Buffy must come to terms with what he really is


KILL SPIKE CHALLENGE  
  
Author's note:  
  
I am partaking in a kill Spike Fic Challenge.  
  
I loved Spike when he was a big bad, he had a great edge, was smart, intimidating, and funny.  As a good guy he' s lost the edge I used to like about him.  
  
I hate B/S (regardless of my relationship preference) because they are bad for each other, in my opinion.  The relationship is abusive and self- destructive for both Buffy AND Spike.    
  
This doesn't mean I hate Spike as a good guy,(at least pre Dead Things, after that episode I have some problems with him but we'll see how they work out) I am working on a few fics where he plays a big role, not a B/S role, but a big one nonetheless.  
  
 I mean no disrespect and I by no means am trying to say if you hate this fic you don't have a right to express your opinion, but if a kill Spike fic isn't your thing, there are thousands upon thousands of B/S fics out there for you.    
  
Again, I don't mean any disrespect or that you don't have a right to your opinion, but I just wanted to explain my reasons for doing the challenge.  
  
If you want to e-mail me I'd love to talk to you about this.  
  
Peace- Mims  
  
  
  
Rating: R  
  
  
  
  
  
Urges  
  
The sun. He had seen it more than any other vampire since he had been turned. It stung him, but he always survived. Not this time though. He wasn't planning on surviving the sun's harsh light today.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
  
He looked over and saw her. His goddess. The image of perfection.  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you? Get inside your crypt!" she demanded.  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
She walked in front of him and grabbed his collar. "Get inside your crypt before I make you!"  
  
He grabbed her and kissed her. It was long and passionate. She threw him up against the wall of his crypt and started to kiss and grind against him. He flipped them so she was positioned against the wall. It was getting hot and heavy. He vamped out and threw her away.  
  
She stared up at him from her seat on the ground. "Spike?"  
  
"Damnit! Buffy get the bloody hell away from me and let me do something noble for a change!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
He sighed. Better tell her the truth. "Do you remember the warehouse?"  
  
"Yeah," she sighed in return. "Of course."  
  
"Yeah, well I got hit in the head on the way down when it collapsed."  
  
"You're point?" she asked nervously as she examined the rising sun.  
  
"Well, the chip was damaged. It doesn't work anymore."  
  
"Well, so, you said I came back wrong and you could hurt me but you didn't. What the hell is different about this?" she demanded angrily.  
  
He grabbed her again, pulled her to her feet and kissed her deeply. He flung her against the wall and whispered hoarsely in her ear. "I'm still a demon and monster. I have needs and urges. Since I was stuck I settled for some violence against demons and a lot of fucking. It kept my animal instincts in check, because I knew I couldn't act on anything else. Now, well, I want more now."  
  
"That was a long time ago Spike," she nibbled on his earlobe, aroused by his heat. "If you've made it this long, why can't you keep going?"  
  
He punched her across the face. "Because, I thought I could control it, but I can't. I saw Dawn one night, and I just wanted to drink."  
  
It was Buffy's turn. Her fist collided with his head and he staggered backwards. "Don't about her talk like that!"  
  
"You stupid bloody bitch!" he screamed. "That's why I'm here. I don't want to hurt her, or you. Sex can calm my urges but I'd need to do it all day everyday. And I just don't think you're up for that slayer. So, before I hurt one of you I just want it over with."  
  
Before he knew what happened Buffy kicked him in the gut and dragged him into the crypt. She threw him across the room. "You think I don't know about urges Spike?" she screamed. "I try to stay away from you. I know there's no future here for us. Nothing good can come of this. But I just can't stop. I want you so bad it hurts."  
  
"You don't know what it's like to have this blood lust, slayer. A bag of blood warmed up just isn't the same as a hot, pulsing blood as the life drains out of some bugger." They stared at each other, craze, anger and lust in their eyes.  
  
Buffy launched herself at him, lips first. After that it was all a blur. The next thing either of them knew, they were lying on the floor after the throws of passion.  
  
"How are your urges now," she teased Spike. In response he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. "Again," she moaned in his mouth.  
  
He pushed off of her. "You still don't get it do you? I need that all the time. Every second. Or else I need to feed. You can't understand," he growled angrily. Then, a look came over his face. "But you could. I could turn you. We'd be together, forever. We could spare your friends. Leave Sunnyhell, and just move on."  
  
"Spike, I hope you're kidding?" Buffy asked incredulously. They both rose to their feet.  
  
He watched her for a moment, fighting everything that rose in him. He wasn't a man. He knew that. He could deal with his urges for her through his loins. He wanted her so badly. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't hurt someone, including her if he lost control. Right now he just wanted to taste her, turn her, and be done with the good guy act.  
  
"Get out of here Buffy," he growled and turned away from her.  
  
"You're not kidding, are you?" Buffy asked concerned.  
  
"I'll stay out of Sunnydale, away from you and your friends."  
  
"You actually think I can let you go, knowing that you're going to kill?" Buffy demanded.  
  
"You can't kill me slayer, we both know it."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "And here, all this time I thought you were helping because you thought it was the right thing to do."  
  
Spike spun on his heels and slammed his fist into her head. "You bitch. You knew damn well that I did all those things because I was in love with you!"  
  
Buffy staggered, but stayed on her feet. "God, why did I ever let you do these horrible things to me. You almost had me convinced you were, not a monster."  
  
"Well, you were wrong slayer! Here I am, vampire, creature of the night, demon scum. What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Buffy kicked him in the gut and then knocked his legs out from him. He fell on the floor and Buffy stomped her foot into his stomach. He groaned in pain. "I should have known better. Human life means nothing to you, does it!"  
  
"Just yours," he croaked out. That just earned him another foot to the stomach.  
  
"You stand for everything I used to hate. And try as I might, I just can't bring myself to hate you," she spat the words at him, tears forming in her eyes. "I shouldn't even be able to stand the sight of you, but here I am trying to stop you from killing yourself."  
  
"Because you love me," Spike told her.  
  
"No," she tried to deny him.  
  
"Yes, accept it, you aren't like that anymore. Let me bring you all the way," he offered.  
  
Buffy got off him quickly and threw herself on the floor, tears rolling off her face. I can't let him see me break down, she thought.  
  
"You are like me slayer. You're a demon, now just accept it and come join me. You love me and you know it."  
  
Buffy then did something neither she nor Spike excepted. She began to laugh. It was hysterical laughter, echoing off the walls of the crypt.  
  
"Look at us, Spike, this isn't love," she said when her laughter calmed down. "This is abuse."  
  
"Fuck off," he shot back. "It takes two to tango. You're not blameless in anything. You came to me."  
  
"I know," she said softly, rising to her feet. "You hurt me, I hurt you back. You just use words and I use my fist. Always worked well for me before. But Spike, I mean God, look at this whole situation. You tell me I'm a demon, is that love? I beat the shit out of you, is that love?"  
  
"What did I tell you before pet, you always hurt the one you love," he replied calmly. He wanted to take her, right now, in any manner he could. He had suppressed his nature as long as he could, and now he was ready to burst.  
  
"No," Buffy replied. "You've twisted that saying to fit your sick and perverted means. Angel hurt me when he left. Riley hurt me when he betrayed me. But when we hurt each other like this, that's abuse Spike. And I'm tired of it."  
  
"You want it slayer, you know you do. If you didn't why do you keep coming back for more?"  
  
Buffy stood up and stared coldly into Spike's eyes. "No one wants abuse Spike. Well, maybe you because you're a demon and you like that stuff, but I made a mistake. One that I'm about to rectify. Now, either let Willow try to fix your chip and suppress your urges, or else…" she trailed off. As easy as it would be to have their relationship end that way, she couldn't help the fact that she didn't want Spike to die.  
  
"This is what I am. It's what you are too!" He shouted.  
  
"Enough of this!" Buffy screamed back. "The truth is Spike, nothing is wrong with me." He looked confused and seemed ready to retort but she cut him off. "Tara ran some tests. I just have a molecular sunburn. I think is how she put it. I'm not like you. I can stop this. I can get away. But you, this is what you do, isn't it?" she said sadly.  
  
Spike nodded.  
  
"Please, let Willow try and help you," she pleaded with him. Not only for his sake, but she wasn't sure she could bring herself to kill him and in a fight to the death that meant she would be on the pointy end of the stick, again.  
  
"One last fuck before I go?" he asked her.  
  
"Not a chance Spike. Tara knows, so now it's real. It's not some fantasy that I can sit in my room at night and tell myself didn't happen. Which means, I can end it."  
  
"Are you ready for this slayer? I seem to remember you couldn't kill Angelus when he turned, how you going to kill me?"  
  
"Don't make me," she begged again.  
  
"I was actually considering going out noble, letting myself blow away in the wind. What the bloody hell was I thinking. I forgot how much fun this could be," he let his game face slip on. Finish it slayer, he thought, I don't know how much longer I can keep myself in check, are you ready for this?  
  
"Please," she tried, one last time. This is what happens when I take vampire lovers, I always have to send them to hell, she thought.  
  
It was the last thought she had before Spike launched himself at her. Only this time it was fist first, not lips first. She countered easily, and kicked him in the face.  
  
"That's it love, let's have a go at it then," he taunted her. Buffy knew it was too late. She knew she couldn't save him. He had never really wanted to be saved. Buffy let go then. Her anger, her fear, her self- hatred. Everything. She channeled it through her fists. She hit him again and again. Every blow bringing her closer to finishing it.  
  
At first, he took the abuse. Just stake me and be done with it, he thought. But the longer she hammered away at him, the more his drive to live rose. She's trying to get prepared to do this, he thought. I could get away if I wanted to.  
  
Buffy knew she had to finish it, and quickly. But, she couldn't help the memories that flooded her with every punch. She could hear Spike telling her she belonged in the darkness. Punch. She could see the image of them rolling on the floor mere moments ago. Punch. There he was telling her the life she thought she took didn't matter. Punch. She was on top of him letting him enter her. Punch.  
  
Tears rolled down her eyes. Spike could feel them sear his skin as they splashed down.  
  
"ENOUGH!" He roared and tossed Buffy off him. "If you aren't like me, then I'll make it so you are!" He had lost his inner war. The demon inside him was free and now he would do what he had wanted to do since the moment he had laid eyes on this slayer in the Bronze nearly four years ago. He would drink her and turn her.  
  
His eyes were swollen, but he didn't need them. He had an inner sense, especially when it came to Buffy. He could sense her every move, breath, and motion. He leapt at her and knocked her to the ground. He pinned her and Spike wasn't about to play with his food. He went for her neck. Her cries reached his ears but they caused him to hesitate for only a split-second before resuming his descent.  
  
But it was enough. He felt the pain. It pierced his being. He looked at his prey to see her still holding the stake in her right hand.  
  
"Kinda fitting, huh?" he chuckled as his body crumbled around her.  
  
The dust swilled in Buffy's nose and she couldn't stop the fit of coughing. The dust burned her eyes, but that wasn't why she was crying. Her tears were of pain and joy combined. She was glad it was over. She was free of him.  
  
But, she would never be truly free of him. He represented the darkest time in her life, a time she wasn't sure she had climbed out of yet. Without him, who could she turn to? Who could she share her darkness with? She brushed some dust off her and suddenly something came to her.  
  
I'm not darkness. This is what happens to darkness, it turns to dust. I am light. I rise from dust and darkness to reach the light. What was that story Xander had told her once, the Phoenix? Yeah, that was it. She was a Phoenix. She would rise from the darkness because she was finally free of her last tie to it.  
  
There's still a long way to go, but I'll get there. I'll get there. 


End file.
